When an Apology Isn’t Really an Apology

The twerp who sends abusive text messages called me yesterday morning. He asked if he could come by and get a book that he’d lent me last month. He also wanted to know if we could talk at that time because I seemed to be angry at him. I told him that sending text messages saying that you’re not surprised their ex left them tends to piss people off. He made the sorriest apology I’ve ever heard. First he blamed it on being drunk, and then he said it was because his feelings were so hurt, and finally he said that it was because he was angry at me because I’d been such a bitch in the preceding weeks.

That doesn’t sound like much of an apology to me. “I’m sorry but it’s your fault because you made me do it.” He was fishing for an apology from me, and I told him he wasn’t getting one because I wasn’t sorry. I didn’t accept his lame excuse for an apology either. I told him he wasn’t my friend and will never be my friend. It would give him the opportunity to hurt me again if I allowed him back into my life.

It is true I wasn’t the nicest person to him at times in the weeks prior to the incident. I am not perfect, nor do I have the patience of a saint. He was getting on my last nerve and whining whenever he felt I wasn’t paying enough attention or was being mean. I was under a lot of stress from work and he kept pestering me via Yahoo IM. He also will never agree with anyone about anything, it’s like he’s engaged in a continual game of one-uppence.

I was annoyed with him because I thought he was a prick. He insults people under the guise of joking around, but then gets offended if anyone says anything mildly critical of him. I thought at first that I was so annoyed with him because he was constantly around me or messaging me. He’s the only guy I know who calls “just to chat.” If I call someone, it’s because I want to ask them to hang out or have a question, not just because I can’t entertain myself. I realize now the reason I found him so irritating is because he isn’t pleasant to be around. If he looks like a jerk, acts like a jerk, and sounds like a jerk, he’s a fucking jerk.

He called me a whore a couple months ago, and yet I accepted his apology afterwards. He’d throw jealous hissy fits and say horrible things to me, and yet I’d let him come crawling back. He may not realize it, but he adores this kind of conflict. It justifies his “poor me, boo-hoo” attitude. I’m not going to play his little game anymore. He fucked up, he knows he fucked up, and there is nothing he can do to fix it.

Some Things are Best Left Unsaid

I am feeling rather fragile lately. There are some things that should never be said to a person. This is one of them:

“You are a dick to me im not surprised billy left u”

A little background explanation: Billy and I were together nearly 10 years, until he slept with a girl 10 years my junior. It’s been three years since we broke up, and although I am much happier now without him, it was the single most emotionally devastating event of my life so far.

The person who sent this text message is a guy that I used to fuck. This person and I share several mutual friends, and he claimed that he wanted to remain friends with me. Unfortunately, I found him annoying occasionally. This occurred last week while we were out together with some friends, and so I went home. It was after I left that I received the text message.

It was deliberately cruel and the most hurtful thing he could think of to say to me. He was either too drunk to remember saying it, or doesn’t realize how badly it hurt, or just doesn’t care, because he acts like nothing happened. I’ve seen him once since this occurred, and it was at a birthday party for a couple of our friends, so it was neither the time nor the place to discuss it with him.

I’d prefer to never see him again, but that is unlikely. I don’t want to give up my friends, so I will have to tolerate his presence at times. I will be polite, and try to keep interactions with him to a minimum.

There are some things that, once said, can never be forgiven, nor forgotten.